Having trouble sleeping?
I think it’s safe to say we’ve all had a tough time sleeping every now and then. But I just keep finding my mind wandering to things that are unpleasant.. all those worries that seem to fade away throughout the day just to come up when you’re already physically exhausted. The result, mental exhaustion and depending on the situation, emotional exhaustion.
Yesterday was my birthday and really I just wanted to have some fun with some friends although usually my birthdays are train wrecks. Actually a train wreck would probably be more appealing than some of my birthdays. Anyway, went down to Matt’s place and I hate to say this but something really upset me. The only thing I really wanted for my birthday from anyone.. including him.. was a fucking cupcake. I don’t like material objects or people spending money but its a damn cupcake, you think that I would be able to get that from him? Nope. Don’t get me wrong.. it’s not even the fact that he didn’t get me the cupcake.. but he got me a card. Which is great and everything… but where’s the thought in the gift? I would have rather him giving me something that’s homemade. Make me a card! Draw me a picture! I guess it’s too late now.
It’s hard to feel like no one cares about you especially when your birthday rolls around and the people that you think care about you most can’t even be bothered to call you or even send a text message. Instead the people you take for granted, aka your family are always there and I’m starting to really realize this. The only people that I can rely on.. the only people that I can fully trust are those that have been there for 19 years. My parents and siblings. Oh, and myself.
I feel alone. I know I’m not, but I feel it anyway. As fun as last night was, I would have ratherd a romantic evening picnic.. or medieval times. Both kick ass. Apparently I’m not worth the thought or effort, so… what am I doing with these people?
